2018 Mama-Mary, Papa-Joseph, Grace- Donkey, Gwenevere- Shepard, Everett-Everett, and Edgar-Jesus.
our family's number one tradition is that we like to change up traditions. Meaning to don't do the same things over and over again. But one tradition that has actually stuck is our family nativity picture and I was a bit sad to think it wouldn't happen this year. That is why I was so excited to find out that Eugene area has a festival of nativities. They call it a Creche.
I'll keep this post simple and just highlight the years each baby has been Jesus.
2009 Gwenevere
2011 Grace
with baby Everett, I was looking forward to getting our family nativity pictures taken. But then life happened, the weekend of the Stake Nativity was also the weekend of the progressive pigout, and the MBT ballet, and 100 other fun things. Since we couldn't do everything on our list of wants, choices where made and the Stake Nativity activity was cut. As hard as it was, I was happy we were able to experience the other holiday activities. Then to my surprise, James and I along with Everett were asked to participate in reenacting the Nativity story for the Relief Society program at church. This was by far more embarrassing but in the end we got pictures taken
The other day Jenni Thomas (my sister in law) posted on facebook about her son's anxiety and a little tooth drama. I can totally relate because sometimes being a parent is freaking hard.
Everett's anxiety has been crazy since we moved. The worse part is he gets violent when he gets upset. We're working really hard on correcting behavior and using words to express emotions. Not something a little 5 year old boy wants to do. It's hard because I don't feel like I know what i'm doing. I can't seem to find anything that motivates him to change his behavior. And when he's in his freakout panic stage, there is no way to reason with him.
Today I took the kids to swim class. Everett freaked out and started stomping his foot when we got to the pool. He was dressed and ready for swim class and then freaked out and decided he wasn't going to go to class. I took him up to the bleachers with me and tried talking to him. Anything I said just made him angeryer, showing him which swim class was his and who the teach was resulted in more growls and foot stomping followed by him hitting me. I told him he could not hit me. Then he tried to bite me. When I pushed his body away from me and told him he could not hurt me, he took a moment to breath and then tried to pinch me and poke me or hurt me in any way he could think of.
This went on for about ten minutes. All while trying to nurse Edgar. Finally I asked a mom next to me to hold Edgar so I could physically move Everett away from me. I was so freaking MAD. Anything I did to try to get him to calm down blew up in my face.
Putting Everett in a corner I told him that when people hurt other people we are sent to jail so they can be isolated and not hurt anyone. I told him that if he didn't correct his behavior he'd go to jail and be all alone. ( sometimes i really worry that he might end up in jail someday from violent behavior.) It's never okay to hurt another person. (not my finest moment but it was all I could do to keep myself from crying)
Then I took a few steps back and he sat in timeout for a LONG time. Long enough for me to calm myself down.
Primary has been hard, preschool has been hard, day to day life has been hard. I totally freaked out about having another boy because Everett is so stinking HARD. He's been my hardest baby ever since birth.
But in between the hard moments Everett gives off the most incredible feelings of love. Love for his siblings, love for his parents and love for life.
James and I have both tried really hard to give Everett more one on one attention lately. Everyday Everett and I will play board games for an hour. He so smart and loves to play board games.
We play, Candyland, Memory, Hoot owl Hoot, Mancala, Meow Meow, (just like uno) gobblet, Monopoly Deal and other games.
I want to remember the good, the fun and love I have for this life.
proud big brother
waiting outside of preschool because he refused to go
I wake up every morning to this little man's happy face
Happy Pumpkin
everett holding his baby while I hold mine
A little bit of cuddling Papa after a rough morning
The day before Edgar's blessing day I felt sick and tired. I tried to clean the house but didn't accomplish much. James came home from work and helped clean but there was still more to do. Thankfully we had already gotten all the grocery items we needed for meals.
Saturday morning James woke up and started breakfast. We listened to the first session of General conference on my bed with all the kids.
It was very exciting to hear about the new changes President Nelson announced and Elder Cook expanded upon.
"For many years, Church leaders have been working on an integrated curriculum to strengthen families and individuals through ahome-centeredandChurch-supported plan to learn doctrine, strengthen faith, and foster greater personal worship. Our efforts over these recent years to hallow the Sabbath—to make it a delight and a personal sign to God of our love for Him—will be augmented by the adjustments we will now introduce.
This morning we will announce a new balance and connection between gospel instruction in the home and in the Church. We are each responsible for our individual spiritual growth. And scriptures make it clear that parents have the primary responsibility to teach the doctrine to their children.2 It is the responsibility of the Church to assist each member in the divinely defined goal of increasing his or her gospel knowledge.
As I listened to the changes made I felt the spirit whisperer "See this is another reason I have called you to homeschool your children. To learn how to teach your children the gospel."
What a special day today was.
After the morning session of Conference my parents (grandma and Grandpa Thomas,) along with Aunt Alisha showed up. Mom helped James and I finish cleaning the house. I then made lunch for everyone and James took the kids to a local pet store to find out what to do with our baby kitten.
Then we turned the saturday afternoon session of Conference on while we continued to work around the house, prepping dinner, Grandma Thomas hemming a skirt she made for me and Grandpa Thomas holding baby Edgar.
Around 3pm Aunt Rebecca and her boys showed up, soon followed by Grandma Sharolee and Grandpa Don, who also brought along Red Grandma (Sharolee's mom). Grace showed family her violin and Red Grandma gave her a little lesson. Then Grandpa Roemhildt (Dumpa) arrived followed by, Candy and Roger Vickery, Aunt Tessha and Uncle Patrick and their two youngest. The house was getting full and it felt great.
Tessha and Patrick went to work setting up a wonderful Salad, James was busy smoking a roast on the BBQ and making clam chowder.
Around 5:30 Will and Jenni arrived with their three boys. Now everyone was here except for the Bishop. James texted the bishop and he was on his way.
Around 6pm we all gathered together in the Grandroom, Bishop Salden explained why we give babies a name and blessing D&C 20:70. Then we sang "I am a Child of God." Uncle Will said a prayer inviting the spirit to be with us and to bless the food. Then Papa gave Edgar a blessing. Grandpa Thomas, Grandpa Roemhildt, Grandpa Don, Uncle Will, Uncle Patrick, and Bishop in the prayer circle. Grandma Thomas and Uncle Patrick recorded the blessing.
As soon as Papa started the prayer I noticed Everett playing on the other side of the room. I quietly went over to him and carried him back to my seat. Everett wasn't about to sit still on my lap so I held him close. Standing next to the prayer circle I looked in to see Edgar Arlo looking up at Papa as Papa held him in a reclined sitting position out in front of him. Eye to eye Papa spoke the words of the blessing directly to Edgar as all the other priesthood hands held Edgars back in support. the mental picture I took that day will forever be in my heart.
Dear Father in Heaven. By the power and authority of the Melchizedek Priesthood which we hold, we come to you to give this baby a name and a blessing. The name in which he'll be known by is Edgar Arlo Roemhildt.
At this time we give you Edgar a blessing that as you come into this family, a family that loves you very much, that you will be able to feel that love and that you will be able to see the examples of your siblings as you grow. We bless you with health and strength.
We bless you with a sense of humor and a sense of kindness that you can spread to those around you.
Follow the promptings of the Spirit and you will be guided right.
(long silent pause)
Edgar this world can be a very difficult place but this world is full of beautiful too. I bless you that you will be able to find and see that beauty. that you will be able to cultivate it with those around you.
We bless you that you will be able to be a light for everyone.
That as your grow you will be able to find a companion that you can build your own life in this life.
These things we leave with you in the name of Jesus Christ, Aman.
Sometimes words are the hardest way to communicate. Edgar as you read your blessing from time to time I hope you can feel the love of your father and of your family. We are so happy you chose to come to earth and be apart of our family.
After Edgar's blessing we all ate dinner and visited. Before everyone left, we pulled out some pumpkin pie and ice cream. The day was perfect in everyway.
One by one family began to leave. Uncle Will and Aunt Jenni having traveled for 6 hours got a hotel in Eugene for the night. But Preston and Taylor stayed the night to have more cousin time. Uncle Will stayed late and we visited until 11pm.
Grandma and Grandpa Thomas and Alisha spent the night but where gone before we woke up the next morning. They had a long drive home.
The Next morning, Uncle Will and Riley came over for breakfast and to listen to the morning session of conference with us. Aunt Jenni is allergic to cats so she stayed at the hotel.
The weekend went by quick, but I hope to remember it for years to come.
James is not threatening Edgar but copying his pose
After having a baby it was time to celebrate our 13th anniversary. Very little was planned prior to baby since we had no idea how far along in recovery I'd be. But since we are in a new area and didn't have a babysitter we had to improvise.
My wish was to take James out on a date. Go out to eat at some restaurant and then browse REI and a few bike shops to find winter biking clothes for James. I wanted our anniversary to be a big THANK YOU for being so awesome while I've been recovering from birth.
James mentioned he wished we could go camping. ME TOO! but the weather was a bit cooler then I felt comfortable taking Edgar camping. (plus I was still bleeding). So the day before our anniversary I started searching for a last minute cabin reservation. But only found cabins available two- three hours away. Both James and I agreed that the drive wasn't worth it. We had just returned home from driving to Tacoma and back for my orthodontic appointment and the idea of getting in the car for that long just wasn't super exciting.
In the end we had a relaxing morning at home. Lori are realtor stopped by and dropped off a gift for Edgar. Then James made us steak for lunch, my teeth where sore from the braces adjustment so I wasn't able to chew it very well. but the thought is what counts. He was hoping the red meat would be good for my recovery. (words of advice: don't get pregnant after jaw surgery.)
After lunch we decided we needed to DO something to celebrate. We loaded the kids up in the car, turned on "The Adventures of Finn Caspian" podcast and started to drive. We found ourselves at Alsea falls about 40 minutes away from our home.
We spent a few hours just playing in the water and exploring the falls. The kids all had fun finding crawdads, jumping from rock to rock and eating lemon clovers. It was the perfect way to spend our anniversary.
Everett's new dino sweeter
rock jumping
Everyone was impressed with Hanks rock jumping skills
crawdads
I still can't believe we are a family of 6 I'm not a fan of even numbers and although i'm pretty sure we're done I keep thinking we need one more to be 7. hahahhaa
Chilling in his camp shirt
On the way home, I slept. When we got home I ordered pizzas and James took his bike to pick them up. While he was getting the pizza the kids and I made brownies.
When James got home he sadly announced he needs to find a better way to carry pizza. Squished pizza still tastes good. We decided to watch a family movie and let the kids eat pizza and brownies in our bedroom. They where super excited.
I turned on Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure while James got the brownies out of the oven. the brownies dropped on the floor but we were able to salvage enough for everybody yay.
How do you tell a simple story that isn't simple? With each paragraph i write there is a story within the story. I wish I could tell all of the story, layer by layer, but that isn't possible for me, for words are the worst way of communicating and some things are felt rather than said. My heart hurts not to be able to share everything. I tried several times to write your story and almost gave up. I wanted to write these words for you but they don't do the true story justice. Please forgive my weaknesses. I hope you can grasp the whole story from what little I am able share.
Leading up to Birth
A week before giving birth, August 31st, the day after my due date, I started having real contractions, every 15 minutes and they lasted for 6 hours. I had never had that consistent of contractions before so we started to believe this was the real deal. After dinner we took a family walk. It was hard to walk around the block because of all the contractions. While we walked we talked about our game plan. We didn't have anyone to watch the kids, I really didn't want Ash to come for the birth and I wasn't happy. I just wanted my mom to come. But my cousin was having her wedding that weekend and I knew if this was the real thing my mom would miss the birth anyway and we would still need someone to help watch the kids.
James came up with a plan. Since the only other time I had contractions was with Grace's birth and that took a few days, we'd call my mom, chances where I wouldn't have the baby until Sunday Sept 2nd anyway. If we called my mom now there was still a chance she could get here before the birth. But as back up we'd call Sharloee, James' mom because she only lived 3 hours away. If we needed someone sooner she could be backup or just come if she wanted to come.
After getting a plan together I felt more prepared. We texted my mom and asked her to come. She replied "Right now?" I hesitated. yes right now, I wouldn't' have text you if I didn't need you, but I really wasn't sure if I needed her right now. Then it hit me, I replied "Yes, right now."; baby or no baby I needed my mom. I just prayed baby would come too.
We went home and put the kids to bed. Then I took a bath and by the time i finished my bath the contractions had faded away. I started to get frustrated again. My mom was on her way and my contractions had stopped. I hate labor, I hate how you have no control over anything. negative feelings crept into my mind all over again. a battle I fought the whole pregnancy. Just when I felt like I was coming up for air and that I could push the negativity away, a wave of darkness would come and I'd start to drown all over again.
To move the story along faster, I didn't have a baby that night. Sharolee called James Saturday and told him she was coming down to visit. At this point It would be nice to have both moms here. Sharolee came Saturday night and my mom arrived Sunday afternoon. We had a wonderful weekend. We finished a few house projects, went out to eat and Sharolee treated my mom and me to pedicures before she went home. The kids had fun too. Both Grandmas at the same time; now that's heaven. James worked that weekend and it was nice to have the extra emotional support while he was working.
Monday afternoon Sharolee went home. James had two days off of work and my mom was in town. We just needed to have baby. But the baby didn't come.
slight digression:
I kept telling James I didn't want Ash to deliver my baby. I don't know why I didn't want her but I really didn't want her to be my midwife. I had listened to the birthful podcast and had envisioned the perfect birth. Everything about Ash's practice was opposite of what I wanted. Why would I want to have a homebirth if everything would be the same at a hospital. At least at a hospital I'd have meals brought to me and pain medicine available. Ash had a very medical minded practice. She was sure i'd have strep B, I had never had strep b before and I wasn't worried about it. But she kept bringing it up at every appointment. Finally the time came and I told her I'd take the strep b test. I just wanted to prove to her that she could get off her soap box already. a week later Ash told me I was group b positive and asked if I wanted antibiotics. I told her I needed to do some research before I decided. She was very much supportive of not getting antibiotics but wanted me to do a membrane wash with some harsh chemicals while I was in labor. After doing some research I found out that group b is a tricky test because you take the test a few weeks before birth but sometimes the person heals themself before labor so someone who tests positive could actually test negative by the time birth happens, and someone who tests negative could actually get group b strep before giving birth and turn out positive. The only way to really know is to be tested when you go into labor. but to get the test results back before giving birth isn't alway possible that's why they set a generic standard to be tested at 37-38 weeks. blah blah blah.
I was pretty sure I'd never have this baby. That the baby would die inside of me or I'd have to go to the hospital to give birth. I also wasn't sure if I even wanted this baby. I had in my mind that maybe this pregnancy was so hard on me because it wasn't my baby to have. That I was the vessel for another family. Upset with everything I asked Heavenly Father, who this baby belonged to, I could picture giving my baby to a specific family I know. I even went to the temple hoping to find comfort and know if this baby was meant to be part of our family or this other family. I never got an answer, instead I was told to be patient a little longer.
Anyway, the Wednesday before I went into labor, I was so upset that nothing was going my way. I told my mom all my fears. She was really worried. I wasn't trying to scare her I just wanted her to be prepared for the idea that we may be giving this baby away. I knew she wouldn't understand but it felt good to get it off my chest.
That night, James and I finally had a moment where we could really hash out our updated birth plan. I asked him to listen to a few birth podcasts I had listened to so he could understand my thinking. I'd tried explaining to him before how I really didn't want any interventions but it's so hard to explain that to someone if interventions is all you know about birth.
After listening to the podcasts. James was 100% on board. We clicked, we got it. we were on the same team and now we could come up with a detailed birth model that was best for us, not Ash, not my mom, but for us.
James would be my support during labor but James needed someone too. Ash would be his support person. Someone who knew labor and could help if needed. But he would protect me and make sure my wishes were also respected.
The beginning of Labor
Wednesday night my mom, James and I came up with a plan. My mom could stay till Thursday. Thursday night she'd go to Tessha's house and if baby didn't come she could fly home Saturday so she could be back to work on Monday. Sharolee had a wedding that weekend but could come down Saturday night after the wedding if the baby hadn't come by then. Monday morning Sept 9th I'd see my midwife again. Somehow it would all workout. My mom really wanted to stay until the baby was born, she called her work and talked to her boss. We all felt like somehow everything would work out.
Thursday James went back to work for another weekend. Blah. Baby hadn't come while he was on break. Baby hadn't come when my mom and Sharolee where in town. and now my mom really needed to get back to work. James was at work and I felt alone again.
That afternoon my mom decided to stay one more night just in case. Knowing she would be around one more day felt good but also bad. I wondered if she'd need to leave in order for me to relax enough to go into labor. I wanted her here with me but my body wasn't cooperating.
Thursday afternoon I wanted to do something fun with the kids, but I wasn't really up for an adventure so we went to the movies and saw Christopher Robin. We had a lot of fun. While we watched the movie I started to feel contractions again. They had been coming off and on for about a week. I was tired and didn't feel like getting my hopes up. I hit my low. I wasn't excited to have a baby and I was pretty sure this baby was never going to come.
The contractions continued throughout the afternoon but were suttle. I didn't say anything to anyone. When James came home from work he could tell things had started .James made dinner then I took a bath before we put the kids to bed. I think Grace could tell the change in the air. Grace was very excited for baby to come and wasn't going to miss it. She kept getting out of bed and asking us to wake her up if this was the night baby brother was going to be born. We promised her we would and tucked her back in bed. She finally fell asleep around 10pm. My contractions where still small cramp like things nothing worth mentioning to the kids just in case they died out again.
Uncle Seth called that night. Seth and Ali had their baby girl Norah in August and he was calling to see if we had any news about our baby. I pretended that nothing was going on. Since it really felt like nothing big was going on. Just mild cramping every 10 minutes or so. We talked about baby names, and future plans. Seth shared Ali's birth story, and the waiting game they played. Around 10:30 pm my contractions started picking up. I said goodbye to Seth and then James rubbed my back.
My midwife Ash suggested that I take some benadryl at the start of labor to help get through the first stage of labor. I had never had benadryl with labor and I was a bit hesitant but James suggested it would be a good idea so I could get some sleep. After taking a dose of benadryl I quickly fell asleep. A few hours later I woke up to a contraction and then went back to sleep. A half an hour later I woke up to another contraction and went back to sleep. The night felt long. I woke up every 20-30 minutes felt a contraction and went back to sleep. after what felt like 4 or 5 hours of this pattern I checked the clock and realized it was only 1 am. Something was off. I asked James to time my contractions because I thought they where 20-30 mins apart. I had another contraction and then went back to sleep. 30 mins later a woke up had another contraction and ask James how far apart of the contractions were. He said 4 minutes.
No way. I know I was asleep longer then that. I went back to sleep and another half an hour passed. I woke up but again only 4 mins had passed.
I felt like I was out of my body. It was peaceful and strange all at the same time. I'm not sure I'd recommend benadryl or not. It was so nice not to feel like the contractions where back to back but I really didn't like that I felt so sleepy and out of control.
My mom came into my bedroom and brushed my hair. At this point I was able to stay awake between contractions but I still felt super sleepy.
This went on for a few hours. Finally, around 3am, James convinced me to hop into the birthing pool. I really didn't want James to call my midwife. I wasn't sure how she'd care for me during labor but I didn't feel comfortable with her and I really wanted to have this baby my myself. James reassured me that he wouldn't let her touch me while I was in labor. He would protect me. I agreed Ash could come to the birth because James would protect me and Ash would be there to support James. James needed someone just like I needed him.
I was hoping that if I didn't get in the birthpool James wouldn't call her. Little did I know he had already sent her a text message. Ash responded quickly and she was one her way. (This is a good thing)
After getting into the birth tub the contractions picked up, or maybe the benadryl was wearying off. I started to freak out with each contraction. "What am I suppose to do? I can't remember. This hurts" all ran through my mind. As soon as a contraction started to come I'd call for James. James would stop what he was doing (prepping for delivery) and come sit next to me in the pool. He'd look into my eyes and help me to stay calm. "Breath" he'd whisper, "Breath." Just looking at him, holding his hands and focusing on breathing was all I needed. The contraction would pass and then again I felt relaxed.
James let me know Ash was on her way. He woke up the girls and invited them to come watch. they looked at the book "A child was born".
Ash arrived around 4am. She stayed out of my way. I didn't see her at all. She set up her notes in the kitchen and worked with James to make sure we had everything we needed.
After about 30 minutes Ash came to check baby's heartbeat. She waited till I had a contraction and then pushed hard on my stomach to find baby's heartbeat. I was pretty pissed. But when you are in labor you lose your ability to stand up for yourself and all your will power goes to delivering your baby. In the end I also rationalized to myself that Ash was just doing her job. I'm just use to Terah who was a very laid back midwife who never did anything without my consent.
At 5:00am Ash asked to check how dilated I was. James usually checks me. But again I didn't think to ask if James could do it. I just agreed. This was the part that mad me even madder. Instead of checking and getting out. Ash actually pushed up around my cervix to see if she could get it to open up more. It Hurt. I was livid now and so mad. Yet I also felt groggy from the benadryl and my girls were now in the room watching. I really wanted to make sure they felt safe and that watching me give birth was a positive experience not a negative one. So I tried to keep quiet.
Then Ash backed away and gave me my space. I asked for music to be turned on and then I fell asleep while sitting in the birth pool. This was the moment of thanksgiving and rest. A moment not everyone knows about. It's a sacred time of labor when you are fully dilated and your body takes a moment to rest before giving birth. Typically this period is skipped. Once a woman is 10 cm the doctor says it's time to push. or if they notice a low in the the contractions they get worried and want to intervene.
I sat in my birth pool resting. Not here on earth but somewhere else. Before I got to get to the place I was going, I was brought back suddenly. Ash asked me to go use the restroom.
I was once again ticked off. I had no desire to get up and go pee. I just wanted to be left alone. Again not being able to stand up for myself I agreed I would try.
With all the effort I had I slowly began to sit up. All of a sudden I felt baby's head drop and a strong contraction came over me, I knew I was now in a new phase of labor.
Okay I guess I'm going to have a baby instead of going to the bathroom. I guess that's what Ash wanted all along. I began to push. But I didn't feel like I should be pushing yet. It felt so weird. It didn't feel right. Nothing felt natural. Yet it was happening, it had to be happening now because that's what Ash wanted.
I felt like i was stuck between two worlds. I knew my baby wasn't ready, I knew my body wasn't ready. yet here we where trying to make it happen.
I started to feel like my baby wasn't going to come. Maybe his body was here but he's spirit wasn't. I started to plea to my baby to come. I didn't want to go through this experience without him.
"Please, baby, come on baby, come on. Please baby come on baby come on baby" I repeated this phrase over and over again. I felt a little kick. he was still alive. I pushed again. but nothing. my body didn't work with me, my baby didn't move, Everything felt stuck. I could feel his head in between my legs yet he wasn't out yet. His head was crowning but it was also stuck.
I asked to me moved. Maybe I just needed to get into a different position. James helped me sit back against the birth tub. I pushed again. I felt baby move again. yet nothing. no progress, no hope, nothing. Ash kept reaching down to help. This time James and I both told her not to touch. I was going to have this baby on my own.
I pushed some more but felt nothing. I continued to plea for baby to come. Ash's assistant Liz, had been watching the time. Ash tried to reach down and help again. Again we said no. Liz turned to me and said I better push harder and get this baby out. I was running out of time. How could I push a baby out that wasn't ready to come but if I didn't get this baby out now, they where going to intervene again.
I started pushing harder, finally I felt a pop. He was here. I reached down and picked him up. 5:53am. He was limp and blue like most babies. I started to rub his chest in hopes I could get him to breath. Liz felt for the cord and untangled it from around baby's neck. We continued to rub his chest and tickle his feet. Still he wasn't breathing.
I continue to talk to my baby. I knew he wasn't here yet. His body was here but his spirit was still in heaven. Ash and Liz began to get worried. They listened to his heart, and then they got the oxygen mask. I wasn't worried. I just knew he needed more time.
Ash started to administer oxygen. It didn't feel like the mask was on correctly. I tried holding it in place for her. Still baby wasn't breathing. Liz tried to correct Ash's CPR rhythm. "Slow down Ash." Liz encouraged. Ash ignored her advice. "you don't have the mask over his mouth properly." Liz told Ash. Ash adjusted the mask and tried again. Still not breathing. "Slow it down" Liz again told Ash. The tension between midwives was thick. I tried to tell them it was okay. Everything was going to be okay. I looked over at my girls and gave them a big smile. "Don't worry, Baby has some oxygen from my placenta. He's going to be okay." I told them.
Finally I felt at peace. My baby was on his way, he just had a few more things to do before he came. We had rushed him, he wasn't ready yet. He was going to be okay. I knew it. I knew it with all my heart.
Finally Liz got in Ash's face. "No, slow it down. follow my count." She counted slowly 1, pause, 2, pause, 3, pause." Suddenly baby started to cough. They pulled the mask away from his face and baby began to cry.
I felt his spirit. He was here. He was here on earth with us. As he cried his spirit told me how rough the journey was. Receiving a physical body was harder than he had anticipated. "What in the world did I get myself into," he cried. I started to laugh. He was finally here. You could hear a wave of relief flow through the house. The hardest part was over. so I thought.
The After Birth
The girls where so excited to see him. Grandma Thomas took pictures. Liz and Ash listened to baby's heart and lungs. Eventually baby calmed down.
Then I realized it wasn't over. I still had to deliver the placenta. I've always had the placenta delivered right after birth and it never was a big deal. I grabbed the slippery cord and tried to tug on it gently. Nothing happened. Ash told me to push. I tried pushing, nothing happened. It felt like I was pushing pudding. I tugged harder, still no progress.
Ash reached in and felt the placenta. She thought it had slid down and was kind of suctioned to my pelvic floor. She told me to push really hard. and then she pulled. Finally the placenta came out. Along with a LOT of blood. blah
Ash let me stay in the tub for a bit and just enjoy my baby. I had asked Ash not to rush the postpartum care because for some reason that always seems to be rushed and I wanted to experience and enjoy every moment of my birth. Ash was following my wishes.
Eventually I got out of the tub with baby still attached to the placenta. I was very light headed. They moved me to the couch and started pressing on my stomach. gushes of blood came out. Ash "messaged" my stomach till it was blue. While they worked on me I held baby. He was warm and still. He peed on me but I didn't say anything, i was too busy soaking it all in. After a few minutes of peace Gwenevere cut the cord.
Once things settled down, Liz and Ash concluded that I had hemorrhaged (I lost enough blood to call it a hemorrhage but just barely enough to be classified as a hemorrhage, so not a bad hemorrhage. ) Ash asked to give my a dose of pitocin, I told her no. And she didn't argue but told me if I lost any more she would do it.
We moved to the bathroom so I could go pee. Midwife's orders. Of course I didn't pee. So Ash asked if she could give me a catheter. Grandma Thomas had baby. James was with me. I started to panic. This was not what I wanted. I just wanted everything to be over and I wanted to be in my bed asleep. I asked James to say a prayer. We sat there in the bathroom and pleaded with the Lord for guidance and comfort. After the prayer I told Ash she could catheterize me. Then we moved me to the bed.
I fed baby. Ash checked for tearing. I had to paper cut tears and a small tear. Ash said she could stitch the small tear for me. But Liz didn't think stitches were necessary. So I declined. James weighed baby. He was 9lb 2oz.
Ash kept asking me to eat something. I had envisioned enjoying a bowl of chicken noodle soup after giving birth. I had even made the soup a few weeks earlier and had it frozen in my freezer just for this moment, but with the benadryl I had forgotten to ask my mom to get it out and warm it up sooner. I drank a protein drink instead. Later on that morning I enjoyed a yummy bowl of chicken noodle soup.
Everett woke up shortly after everyone left. He was pretty excited to meet his baby brother.
the rest of the morning was spent sleeping and feeding baby. I couldn't stand up without passing out. I fainted several times and they weren't fun. after a few miserable attempts to get to the bathroom we decided I wouldn't get up anymore, James changed my diapers and we joked that he changed more of my diaper then baby's.
At one point I woke up and saw baby next to me pale blue. I quickly said a silent prayer hoping he was still alive. then I touched him. he moved. phew, I took a breath and fell back to sleep.
Late friday night I started to feel much better. As I sat in bed holding baby. James and I discussed baby names. nothing felt right. it took us a while (a whole week) but finally we found baby's name. I'll save that story for another day.
Edgar Arlo Roemhildt.
Epilogue
As I was waking up Saturday morning I saw a glimpse of the bigger picture. In my mind's eye I saw you, Edgar.
Heavenly Father was talking to a young man (you). "If you want to go to earth, I can send your body down now but this might be your last chance to go to this family." I traveled back in time it was December and I was about to have jaw surgery. i started to see, all my prayers seeking an answer to know if we had another spirit coming to my family wasn't unanswered but rather undecided. Heavenly Father wasn't telling me because it wasn't his decision, He was respecting your agency to decide on your own. With a deep breath of courage you decided come.
Then I saw another Heavenly conversation. One that had happened a long time ago, when families were being created. James and I where talking to you. I could tell you weren't sure of this Plan to come to earth. With confidence I told you, "you have nothing to be afraid of. If you wanted to come to earth we would be your parents. we would protect you and take care of you."
Everything I had worried about all of a sudden became clear. this Baby was Mine. all mine. And I had a promise to keep you safe. A wave a relief came over me. I felt at peace. All of this was meant to be. the path I was about to travel wasn't one of letting go, even though if that's what I needed to do, I now knew I could. But instead the greatest gift was given, I would be keeping you and holding you close.
Again my mind drifted to another Heavenly conversation. This time it was the conversation you had right before you came to earth. My Grandpa Harmon was sitting next to you, as you talked with Heavenly Father. "Don't worry son, I'll go with you. I'll be with you every step of the way, you will never be alone." With the confidence from his great grandfather, you agreed to come. Grandpa was with you.
As I sat in my bed pondering the beauty of all that I now was beginning to understand, all of the darkness I had felt for the past 9 months drifted away. I could see the light and feel my Savior's love. Words from my patriarchal blessing now had a new meaning.
Because of the tender mercies of the Lord I got a glimpse of another story, a story that has no beginning and no end and can not be written down by my mortal hands.
But I do know, agency is a gift, Heavenly Father loves us, and our Savior's atonement is a blessing beyond the removal of sin. It is the life line to everything and the medicine for the greatest happiness we can ever experience.
Edgar Arlo Roemhildt. I can't explain how much love I feel for you. After some of my darkest moments you were the light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you for choosing to come to our home. Thank you for giving me the honor to be your mom.
