The day before my birthday Sara Leavitt watched my kids so James could take me out on date. Since we got our new little sail boat I hadn't been on the boat. Everett refuses to try sailing and I'm stuck on land watching him. Since the kids where with a babysitter I got to experience Waldo (our sail boat). I love it. I love sailing with James, I love the views, the calm quietness of sailing and the company. the night was perfect.
On tuesday (my birthday) I woke up and hurried off to my workout. Starting out 32 the right way. I came home just in time to kiss James goodbye and he headed off to work. Since it was my birthday I quickly showered and got back in bed. I woke up to Gwenevere making loud noises in the kitchen I almost got up to see if she needed help but then thought she might be making me breakfast in bed so I went back to sleep. The next thing I hear is someone coming down the stairs I wake up to see James with a big smile on his face enter our bedroom. What?! He explained that he only pretended to go to work. He had the day off and went grocery shopping instead. He had made a yummy breakfast and was ready to party. I was so surprised. We ate breakfast open presents, and hung out at the house in the morning. Then we went to the Pacific science center ( thank you Luke and Jenn). We came home exhausted. James made curry. We ate brownies and ice cream. then went to bed. 32 is going to be a great year.
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| The best husband EVER! |
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| life long dream accomplished. Build lego temple. And I didn't have to spend 45.00 on a lego set. |
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| pure joy |
Every year I look forward to my birthday. I think about the past year and what I have accomplished. Then I think about what I want to do the upcoming year and try to set new goals.
This year, the goals didn't come. I thought and thought but couldn't think of anything I could achieve that I heartedly wanted to achieve.
I thought of all my failures instead of my achievements. It's been kinda hard to handle. So this year instead of setting goals I'm working on facing my disappointments, acknowledging them and moving forward. it's been way harder than setting goals and I'm not sure if it's helping but that's what I want to focus on.
Last year was a difficult year for me. Everett was challenging, church was difficult, marriage was rocky, I didn't blog as often and I wanted, I spent more time using technology then I wanted. I didn't meet all my homeschooling goals. I failed at teaching preschool to Everett and doing daily schooling for the girls. I couldn't keep my house in order, my health has sucked and I haven't found the answers to help me feel better.
As for Everett, yes it's been a hard year, but I am learning to love him more, care for his needs the way he needs to be cared for and not how others think I should care for him. I have seeked the spirit for revelation and have been edified and taught. I still have lots I need to learn but it's coming.
Church has sucked, but God so gracefully gave me an amazing institute class that has broaden my views of the spirit and has fed my soul. instead of fighting with Everett and feeling like a failure in Primary, Everett and I have been attending the sacrament meeting of another ward. It's been uplifting and a good bonding time for Everett and I. Grace is doing better in Church. I thank my Heavenly Father for the Primary teachers my girls have been given this year.
James and I have had our ups and our downs. I feel like we see our differences more than our similarities. We joke about "how in the world we where meant for each other?" Doubt feels my heart and our minds. We question an alternative life and we both freeze with fear. Neither of us want to separate. So we hold hands and we keep trying.
I gave up my smart phone for a few weeks and that really helped. when I reluctantly returned to my smartphone I changed the settings so I had no internet. That has helped. but it's still not where I want to be. I have more work to do.
My kids watch too much TV. It's my "I'm frustrated and need to get something done today, go watch TV" excuse. Or, "we've been really busy for three hours we deserve some down time, go watch tv". I want to get rid of our tvs or disconnect Netflix. I just don't have the courage to do it. TV gets in the way of homeschooling. I know I could do all their homeschool requirements in a couple of hours but everyday has a different errand to run or place to go and busy work of homeschooling gets put on the back burner. I've prayerfully considered enrolling my kids in public school. At the last minute James and I both agreed to give homeschooling one more year. I've joined a new co-op and I'm praying it will give me the extra encouragement I need. I'm doubtful and I'm scared but I don't want to fail.
Everett had a difficult time with preschool so I had to end it early. I really want to put him in a preschool this year but feel overwhelmed with choices and then I doubt that preschool is the right thing for him. and the cost! take all our homeschool funding and use it for Everett's preschool. That doesn't sound right. It would be an expensive investment and I don't know it would be worth it. Putting him in Preschool could set us back from the progress we've made since ending homeschool preschool last year. I hate having so much uncertainty
Keeping our house in order had never been something I was good at. I do believe I have made some really good improvement over the past year. I'm organizing when I can and investing in the right storeage stuff for organizing. it's been good but I'm far from where I want to be.
I feel like i've hit a brick wall when it comes to my health. I exercise, but the eating healthy part has been a struggle. It's hard to have the energy to cook healthy meals when the house is a mess or the kids have been watching tv all day. On top of that some of my kids are picky eaters and If I make a meal they won't eat they go to bed hungry. It's hard to watch them go to bed hungry. Meal planning and I are nemeses. but growing a garden has helped. eating fresh produce and enjoying the sunshine outside while taking care of our garden animals has been good.
Oh boy this has been a very downer post. seigh.
now it's time to think positive
We have had some amazing adventures together this year. Although I haven't blogged about all the fun things we do. We have been doing some very fun things.
I'm getting closer to having jaw surgery.
I've been attending the temple monthly
I have been thoroughly enjoying the time I'm spending with my kids. They are my earthly angels.
I love holding James hand and seeing him smile.
We have been able to work on the house siding project together.
I am so grateful I get to spend this earthly life with my family.
And I'm honestly excited for this upcoming year. Forget the goals, I'm going to just try and love myself more. Because turning 32 only happens once.
Hurray for 32!
