Lessons from the House of the Lord

In the temple yesterday, out of the blue I remembered the name Elias and got all excited.  But I knew James wouldn't be a fan of the name. So then I thought what if we called him Eli for short? "Eli the barrow boy...."  Maybe. just maybe. The rest of the time I kept trying to figure out if I'd use Elias as a middle name or a first name and what other names we liked that would sound good with it.  hehehehehehe

Nothing really stood out, and when I told James after the temple he was like "nah, I don't really like that name." hahahaha So who knows. But I love the idea that this baby is connected to the temple.  I prayed for him in the temple, I feel connected to him when I go to the temple and so on.

But that wasn't all that I thought about while in the temple last night.  Last night was AMAZING!

I'm so glad we where able to go.  So so so glad.

It's crazy how fast the peace and comfort of the Lord's house came to me.  It is truly a place of personal revelation and learning.

Bonus, Twin Falls has a temple.

We'd be closer to the temple

I have come to realize that our choice to move isn't a right or wrong choice. I try to think more in the lines of good, better, best.  What is the best choice for us?

I know we'd be blessed with any decision we made.  and maybe there isn't' a best choice.

If we lived in Twin Falls we'd see James less.  He'd have to work more. If we lived in Springfield we'd have more family time but we'd probably wouldn't visit my family as often because the budget would be tighter.

James has countlessly researched ways for me to be closer to my family. He is always so thoughtful about finding ways for me to spend time with my siblings and for our kids to grow up knowing their cousins on both sides of the family.

Heavenly Father walked me through both options in a beautiful peaceful way.  I see the Lord's path in both decisions. We found a house in Twin Falls with a little mother in law apartment.  I could see Alisha living next to us in the apartment. She's been dreaming of moving out on her own but that's just not the right thing at the moment.  We could help her.

Attending Aunt Shelly's funeral last spring was so emotionally hard on me.  I could see me back at the funeral home in 40 years attending Alisha funeral, listening to her life story about her happy childhood.  her time living with my parents and then her time living in as assistant living home. It's crazy the abuse and neglect my aunt went through.  The struggle my other relatives had taking care of her. But also seeing the immense amount of revelation about her life to come. The rewards my aunt Shelly is receiving now that she has passed on.

I know the Lord would love for me to take care of Alisha.  I know that if we move to Twin Falls that could be a possibility for her. but a very difficult burned on my own family as well.

Then I saw us living in Eugene.  Our nuclear family bonds strengthen, my marriage strong and life being good. simple, beautiful and good. We'd be living in the PNW the place that feels like home to both James and I. We'd be close to James' siblings something I am always longing for. There is good in all our choices. I think that is what makes them hard.

My anxiety this past week has really been about delivering the baby in a new area. My own health failing me and the struggle of being at peace with knowing when our family will be complete. I didn't see exactly how that would play out but the Lord blessed me to know that I would be well cared for in either place.  It was so good to have those feelings of fear washed away but my Savior's love.

James, questioned why the decision to leave his job here came so strong and felt so right but the decision on where to go hasn't been that easy.

He wonders if we still need to look other places?  We did a quick search last night we found jobs in Germany and Japan, we found a job in Salem Or and a few in AZ. But at the same time he also feels like the two option that we have right now would be a good ones.

The best part about going to temple last night was the impression I felt while watching Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden. I was impressed with Eve's excitement to covenant to God that she would follow Adam as Adam followed the Lord.  It was at that moment, before any of the other thoughts had entered my mind that I realized this decision, the decision of where we need to move, needs to be James' decision. Between him and the Lord.  And my job was support their relationship as the Lord counsels James.

It felt so good to learn these beautiful truths.

No matter what we do,  it's going to be good. No matter what James decides I can support him and cheer for him.

And honestly i'm excited to remove the burden that I need to be part of making that choice.

All I can do is praise my Savior, the plan of Happiness and the beautiful blessings that come from following his voice.

baby bump update 19 weeks and growing

Butterflies

I lie awake a wait to feel His tiny kicks.  As still as can be, a wait.  And wait. 

The butterflies I feel come but not in the uterus where they belong.  I feel them in my chest.  they are random and chaotic and I can feel them building up. 

Thankfully
During Pregnancy a mother's blood levels increase.  This extra blood results in a heart rate that's about 25 percent faster than usual. A faster heart rate can result in occasional heart palpitations. These feel like your heart is fluttering or beating extremely fast.Heart palpitations can be normal and non harmful during pregnancy.

Kicks

I felt baby's first kick on March 29th, 2018 at around 7 pm at night.  We had just come inside from swimming with cousins all day.  My belly exposed to the warm sun.  We invited all the cousins back to our room for ice cream and a movie.  I think Baby wanted to say he was happy to be with us.  It was a strong kick.   YAY!  

Diabetes

At my 14 week appointment I asked my midwife if I could get a gestational diabetes test early.  I know I'm weird but I was gaining weight fast and I wanted to make sure I was doing all I can to keep my weight in check.  It's been hard because I've been eating my emotions and justifying it because I'm pregnant.  Too many treats and carbs.  

I took the test right away because I wanted to know sooner than later.  

At my 18 week appointment I got my test results back.  and Yes I have gestational diabetes.  James was actually excited because If I eat Keto it will be easier for him to eat Keto.  hehehehe  no more sugar treats for us.  

Emotional

Pregnancy brings out all my emotions.  But I've been struggling with feeling sad a lot this pregnancy.  It comes in waves and takes over all of me.  Usually a good cry helps relieve those feelings.  But fear feeds my sadness.  It's just been a crazy pregnancy to process.  But in the end I hope to find immense happiness and love.  With low platelets, and diabetes I fear I won't qualify to have a home birth.  My midwife is very supportive of offering me a homebirth if at all possible.  But life is going to change so much between now and when baby comes.  I wonder if I'll be able to find a new midwife who will be open to letting me try a homebirth.  Please please pray for me.  Pray I will know what i need to do to stay healthy.  Pray that I can find the right caregiver wherever we move.  Pray that I will have a change of heart and be able to thoroughly enjoy the delivery experience wherever it may be.  Pray that I will know what to pray for and how to seek the Lord's guidance.