My anxiety has been getting the best of me lately.
I saw this on my friends post and it hit me hard to the core. That is exactly what I've been feeling but haven't had the time to stop and think about it. Now that it is in front of my face I have to address it.
Having three kids has been hard on me. I feel like I can't help any of them. They all need more love, more time, more attention than I can give them. With this overwhelming feeling I have neglected their needs and have put my needs first. I must admit, at first it felt good. My 30 minutes of working out despite a crying baby and two little girls running around the house making a mess did feel good at first. But after my workout I would be face with a pile of trials still too overwhelming to face, so what would I do, sit the girls in front of the TV and try to keep composer. (Ahhhhhh that sucks. grrrrrr I hate feeling like a failure.) then when I had enough and couldn't take it anymore I would bundle up all the kiddos and go spend some money. Getting things that aren't really needed but can be very useful. I haven't overdrafted our account but I have spent way too much money and I know it. I've been ashamed to tell James what I have spent and that is a big sign that what I'm doing is so wrong.
So with this off my chest and the tears flowing down my cheeks I will turn off the computer and keep trying. Tonight I will try to get a better night's sleeps, and tomorrow I will not spend any money. that is all I can commit to at this time but hopefully it will lead to progress.
Here's a reminder of what I'm trying to be
I know I can do this!
4 comments:
I guess I can blog stock you too.
I just thought I would throw in my two cents as a mother of three...everything you are feeling is completely normal. Juggling your needs, your husband, and children is a learned art. There are always trials and errors. It is so worth it and I think you are wonderful.
Plus there is this quote from author Debra Ginsberg I love:
“Through the blur, I wondered if I was alone or if other parents felt the same way I did - that everything involving our children was painful in some way. The emotions, whether they were joy, sorrow, love or pride, were so deep and sharp that in the end they left you raw, exposed and yes, in pain. The human heart was not designed to beat outside the human body and yet, each child represented just that - a parent's heart bared, beating forever outside its chest.”
I bet you are doing an amazing job! I have heard that there is a huge adjustment period between the second and third child. I have been extra nervous about it, especially with all of Dustin's delays and how much he needs me. And then I read this blog post from facebook and it has given me the determination I need to want to grow my family. I bet you already read it: http://mychildiloveyou.blogspot.com/2010/02/why-most-families-have-2-children.html
Elizabeth, if you get a chance read or listen to Elder Hollands talk form the conference!
The transition to three kids is a difficult one, but remember that you can do this, and you are doing it! Everett is still young, and there is a lack of sleep factor that plays into your emotions too. Don't ever feel guilty for taking 30 minutes out for yourself. You are setting an example to your kids that exercise and taking care of yourself is important and eventually they'll join in with you. I do a lot of my workouts with Bridger sleeping and Makenna working out right beside me. You are a great mom, and your kids are loved. Remember that!
Post a Comment