Dating advice for no one

A few days ago we where having Family Home Evening with several other families and the topic turned to dating.  These families have children dating age or close to it.  But I was surprised by what they talked about.  They talked about how scared they where that their children had no interest in dating.  They discussed how the youth in their ward don't do group dates.  That in young women the girls don't talk about crushes or what happened at the last dance.  Then one mom started talking about the mid 30s single adult guys she plays soccer with and how they don't know how to date.  This surprised me.   President Hinkley once told the youth that we must not just hang out but we most date.  I found the advice strange at the time.  I didn't want to date I just wanted to hang out but now I'm glad he gave that advice.  I want you, my children to date.  Getting practice on how to be in a relationship is very important.  It may make or break your marriage.  

I never was into dating while in high school but I still attended several dances, went on many awkward dates and lived to tell the tell.  James didn't date much either but he did have a short period of time where he was interested in one particular girl and they did stuff together one on one.

Hearing this conversation made me start to think.  How am I teaching you kids to prepare for dating?  Yes.  I should be thinking about this now.

As I've been pondering this idea of dating, a friend from high school, who was very well liked and involved in student government and so on, posted on Facebook an article about how men have a hard time getting married because too they see so many pretty faces on social media and other places that it all starts to run together and it's hard to find "the one".  The article talked about how men and women need to start viewing beauty differently.

Anyway, the long story is this friend was truly confused and asked a very sincere question about why he was still single.  Was it because he couldn't see things clearly?

This was my response.  And I wanted to share it here for you my kids to read.

Lately i've been thinking a lot about beauty. My two girls hear they are beautiful 20 times a day from different people strangers and family alike. One daughter doesn't seem bothered by the comments but my other daughter really seems bothered by the remarks. She has even gone so far as refusing to look at the camera when I try to take pictures. I think it's connected. I felt the same way as a little girl. I had older teenage brothers with friends who would comment about my looks when I was 7 and it really confused me. along with other stuff not needed to be shared. But I've had a hard time becoming comfortable with the idea of beauty. 
Long story short. I'm still trying to find my own beauty and becoming comfortable with it. In our world where we all get bombard with "what beauty should look like," no wonder both men and women are confused in the matter. For this I'm starting to think beauty isn't a look it's a feeling. And instead of trying to pinpoint what I find to be beautiful I'm trying to teach myself and my girls how to feel what is beautiful. For me this takes unplugging, and reconnecting so that I can commune with myself, with others in person and with my father in heaven. One thing is for sure, your lucky lady is out there and you will be forever grateful you waited for her. I hope you find her soon. Good luck with your search for answers. May you find the enlightenment you are searching for.

I remember while James and I where dating, James attended the temple weekly often times he went with the question "Is Elizabeth the one?" Or "Am I supposed to marry Elizabeth?" Guess what? He never got an answer. 

Yep. That's right. I knew from the beginning that Heavenly Father approved of me marrying James but James never got that same conformation. That was frustrating at times. Several times during our dating period I would get frustrated that he hadn't been completely convinced we should be dating and I would tell him time and time again if ever want to break up just let me know.

 James would honestly think about it and then decide he didn't want to break up. He was content with our relationship and we seemed to work well together. one day James re-read a conference talk that talked about moving forward when revelation isn't given. That is how we've built our marriage and I'm honestly the luckiest girl. We got married when it was convenient not because we where soulmates but because we could work through this life well together. And since then we have become soulmates.


I guess what I want my children to know is romance isn't what the movies make it out to be.  I love telling Papa and Mine's dating story.  I feel like fate brought us together and I believe 100% we are capable of having a happily ever after.  But that doesn't not mean we have a fairy tale.  We work hard to work together, we try to help each other become better and that is what romance is all about.  

So kids,  someday if you want to be romantic let me give you a few tips.

1.  Kind acts of service.  This could be done by the way you ask your date to the dance, how you help your friendship grow, how you thank your date for their thoughtfulness and actions.

2.  Be positive.  Date an array of friends,   Don't turn down a date unless you honestly feel uncomfortable in a not good way.  Dating people you didn't think you'd date will lead you to a better perspective of who you want to end up with.  I never knew James exactly the kind of man I wanted to marry until I started dating him.  He didn't fit my list of an ideal man at all, but he is exactly what I never knew I always wanted. 
 Sometime when you choose to go out on a date with someone everyone around you thinks you might be becoming a couple and then stand off, that's fine but don't let other people standing off stop you from dating others.  you can date lots of people and that's what's best until you decide you want to be serious with just one.  

3.  keep an open heart.  You never know when you will find love.  



After mission/college dating advice

1.  Date the way you want to date.  If you like biking, take your date biking,  If you like swimming take your date swimming,  if you like hiking or camping take your date hiking or camping (group dating and separate tents should be included.  But you can learn a lot about a person just by being who you are.  That's what James did for our relationship.  

2.  If you don't like what you see around you change sensory.  Grandma Thomas went to BYU and decided she wanted to marry a boy from Idaho because of what she saw,  low and behold she married an man from Idaho. 

After living in Idaho for a few years I knew I could never marry an Idaho boy.  So I made sure to pick an out of state college.  

Uncle Will went on a Mancation with several of his bacholor friends to the San Juan Islands in WA.  He loved it there and jokingly told his friends he would marry a girl from there.  A few months later he met Jenny through LDS singles and noticed she was from that area.  They lived 4 hours apart but they dated for several months before moving closer together and eventually getting married.  

So if you have dating around and you are happy with your choices it might be a good idea to look somewhere else.  Even try relocating.  New faces and new places might be the trick to find your one.  


Rebecca you may be the only person you reads this,  If you have any more advice will you please share I'll edit the post later to include any advice I think might be helpful and I would really like to hear you and Max's thoughts.