Sunday blues

So Everett has been attending Nursery with me since he's had a hard time transitioning to sunbeams and all.

Well, I got a phone call the night before we left for Utah asking me to Teach Sunbeams.  I knew this was coming since the primary presidency asked me how they could get Everett to come to sunbeams.

I should have made my thoughts more clear.

I had envisioned me being the sunbeams helper.   That way the current teacher who is way over stressed in her calling would have better support and I could help Everett.

I hated making this suggestion because I love Nursery and the Primary is always having a hard time getting nursery callings filled.

but when I got the call it more like this.

We want you to teach Sunbeams and the current sunbeam teacher to teach nursery.

I was shocked and my heart started racing.  This is not a good idea I thought to myself.  How in the world am i going to teach the crazy sunbeams and help Everett.

I responded nervously "Ok"

The president then went on to tell me that first the sunbeams on in the primary room, then they go to their class and then they go back to the primary room.

I got even more worried.

the class time was only 35 minutes.  that means I get to struggle to keep my kids reverent in the primary room for 1 hour and 20 minutes.  YIKES.

I asked if there was any way we could change things up a bit.

The reply was simple  "nope".

We hung up the phone and I began to cry.  only I couldn't bring myself to tears so I just sat dumbfounded.

Thankfully I had two weeks in which I had planned to be in Utah and Idaho.  That gave me two weeks to pray about this calling.

My first thought was, what if I teach sunbeams and let Everett stay in Nursery.  I like this idea a little bit.  I'd be able to set up a routine with my sunbeam class and not have to worry about Everett.

My second thought was... my primary presidency would hate that.

My Sister Laura who happens to be in her Primary presidency told me all the reasons I need to have Everett in Sunbeams and how I need to be a better parent to get him there.  She had some good points but how do I do that and teach and work with a primary who isn't willing to work with me?

Plan B.

Run away.

When we returned home from Idaho,  I had my cell phone disconnected.  I felt overwhelmed and unsure what to do.

When Sunday came again.  I told James I didn't want to go to church.  So we took a family trip to the Washington Coast.

Some amazing friends reached out to me and gave me strength when I was (still am) weak.

other friends teased me for not having a phone and not standing up for myself.  That was a bit harder to bare.

I contacted the second councilor in the bishopric.  I shared with him my concerns and he said he'd talk the primary presidency and let me know.   He was very supportive but did tell me that we all need to take turns with primary callings.
I wanted to say "I HAVE.  I've been in Primary for three years while other moms my age flat out refuse primary callings because they don't want to be around kids.  they are around them all week."

But I kept my mouth shut.

  I had hopes I could serve in another area in Primary (achievement days).  and the second councilor was optimistic too.

When Sunday came again and I still hadn't heard back from the Second councilor I was very worried to go to church.

I had no lesson planned for sunbeams, I had no idea what was expected of me and I wasn't sure if I could take all that might come.

But I knew it wasn't going to get any better until I tried to make it better.

We made it to church.

My friend's sunbeam came up to me excited and said "you're going to teach my class today!"

I guess last week because I didn't show up some parents had to step in and teach.  this poor friend of mine was one of those parents.

My friend came up to me and said so are you teaching sunbeams.  I shook my head no.  She was shocked.  "Who is?"  she asked.  I replied "I don't know." Then she took her kid to class.

I got up to take Grace to primary and she started grabbing my leg and saying "Mom you come with me to Primary, you be in my class."

I knew if I went with Grace into the primary room there would be expectations that I stay and help.  I knew Grace wouldn't want to sit with her class and Everett was already telling me he wasn't going to go to Primary.

I asked James for help but he was busy.

I walked the halls with my kids not knowing what to do.  If I went with them (my kids) to Primary, they  would get what they want and act out.

instead, I took them to a quiet room and we stayed there for the last two hours.  We listened to church music, read scriptures and I cried big fat lonely tears of failure.

James came into the room wanting to help.

The primary president came into the room twice inviting us to primary.  She never asked if I was okay or if she could help.  You could tell she was frustrated with the situation.

The two moms who stepped in to help in Primary also came in to invite us to their unprepare crazy classroom.  It was a nice thought but I felt so overwhelmed I didn't want to socialize with other moms who where upset that I wasn't stepping up to the call.


We made it through the church.

We came home, we rested and we will try again.